Sally Ride was an inspiration to an entire generation of girls. I happened to be in that generation. If for some reason you live under a rock, Ride was the first American woman in space. Up until that point, the U.S. space program was of the opinion that women were not fit for space travel - a belief they hung on the notion that a woman's menstrual cycle would make her a bad candidate. I think they might have just been thinking of themselves, though, if you think about it...a bunch of men, in a claustrophobically small space, trapped with no way out, and a woman on her period. Noooo...nothing could go wrong there!
Thankfully, the misogynistic attitudes abated and Ride was selected to go up. Not only was she the first female astronaut, but she was also the youngest astronaut in space, a prominent physicist, and held a Bachelors in English and a Ph.D. in Physics. Oh, and she was gay.
Tam O'Shaughnessy became Ride's partner in 1985, and they were together until Sally's recent death. If you're bad at math like me, I'll help you out - that's 27 years. In our current age of 55-hour marriages and a 60% divorce rate, any couple who sticks it out through 27 years is to be applauded. And maybe they were, in their circles. But the benefits of such a long partnership are quite different in Tam and Sally's case than they would be for a legally married heterosexual couple, and that is what I really want to address here.
Normally, if a wife or husband in a hetero marriage passes away, their remaining spouse is awarded certain benefits. These can range from Social Security to pensions, to other death benefits, and they are among the 1138 rights that are denied - even to legally married same-sex couples - the LGBT population at large by the Defense of Marriage Act, or DOMA.
However, because this over-two-decades-long relationship was between two people of the same sex, Ride's widow (because that's what she is), gets nothing. Nada. Zip. This woman, with whom Sally made a life, owned a business with, kept a home with, has been treated upon her partner's death as if she were some acquaintance or "friend". And oh, how I hate that word when it comes to our relationships.
Ride has long been lauded as an American Hero, as an inspiration to young girls everywhere that they can be just as smart and successful as any boy. I can remember being a young girl and hearing about her launch on the Challenger. I always loved space and all topics related to space (still do), but the thought that even a girl could go there was so amazing to me. It really helped me see that I could walk the same path as any guy could, which for a girl in the South is a huge accomplishment.
And yet, this woman - who was so very important and integral to the self-esteem and educational choices of young women, and who broke through the 'good ol' boys' club - has been permanently and irrevocably rendered "less-than" by the very government and people she served. It is a sick irony, and it should never have to happen.
Because Sally loved Tam, and not Tim (or Walt, or Harry), she was never able to stand in front of friends and family and celebrate a legal union between them, nor was she able to leave a financial legacy behind that is honestly owed to her partner. They worked together as a team, and should be honored as a couple. But they are not, and it makes me ill.
This was made even worse, in my opinion, by the tweet posted by Mitt Romney. It went a little something like this:
"Today, America lost one of its greatest pioneers. The first American woman in space, Sally Ride inspired millions of Americans with her determination to break the mold of her time. She was a profile in courage, and while she will be missed, her accomplishments will never be forgotten."
Break the mold, she did, and not just in the space program. And her accomplishments will never be forgotten, but neither will any portion of the benefits from those accomplishments be awarded to her spouse.
How Romney can stomach writing these words while simultaneously vowing to do away with almost every inch of headway we have made politically for LGBT individuals and couples just floors me. His comment should have been, 'She was a great pioneer, a profile in courage...but sorry...she has to sit at the back of the bus. Not my rules - I'm just doing what any Christian man who knows his Scripture, hides his money, and sells out to the highest bidder would do. Oh, and since she was gay, it's good that she had courage because she's now going to burn in hell. The Bible says so.' It's beyond perverse.
My heart goes out to Tam in this time - not only for what must be an excruciating loss of her partner of so many, many years - but also because the government that her partner served has dismissed her with a flick of its hand, turning a blind eye to the obvious relationship that existed between the two for longer than the majority of hetero marriages. Hiding behind an outdated (and no longer legally defensible) law, they willingly turned their backs on the wife of an American Hero.
How very unheroic.
