And now for something completely different...

My last several blogs were so fraught with seriousness (and rightfully so, considering the subject matter), that I really felt drawn today to write something a little more lighthearted. 

This one is going to be mostly for all the parents out there, but I imagine it might elicit a few chuckles from the rest of the population as well. Today I want to talk about the conversations we never, ever could have predicted we would have.

Every parent has these stories...those times you have to bite the inside of your cheek to keep from laughing...or the things coming out of your children's mouths that make you have to leave the room so you don't laugh instead of discipline...the moments when you think, "I have got to be the only person in the universe that has had to discuss this." 


Our children give us so much joy. But the flip side of that is they they bring us so much frustration. Often these happen at the exact same time. 


And I don't know how many of you out there have had the experience of having these kinds of conversations with a  small child, but it is a definite...um, experience. LOL


Here are some of my own favorite personal gems:

Child:  Mommy, c'mere! I went poopy! (enters the house from the back yard carrying pull-up)
Me:      Okay...(immediately on alert) Where exactly did you go?
Child:  Over here! In the yard! (grabs my hand & escorts me to the spot where there is, indeed, kid poop.)
Me:      Honey, I'm so proud of you for knowing you had to go, but we do not poop in the back yard.
Child:  (sincerely confused) But the dog does it!
Me:      I realize that, but people have a toilet, and you need to use that.


Me:      Stop feeding your fruit snacks to your blankie. It just makes a mess.
Child:  But he's hungry.
Me:      I don't think it's hungry, love. It's a blanket.
Child:  (with that 'you are an idiot look') Blankies are people too, mom.


Child:  Can I ride on top of the van?
Me:      No. You would fall off, and I would be sad.
Child:  But you could tie me down real good. And I would hold on tight to the rails.
Me:      I understand that. But it's illegal. Do you want mommy to go to jail?
Child:  (thinking) Could I ride on top of the van while you're in jail?"


Child:  Can I have ice cream for breakfast?
Me:      No.
Child:  Why?
Me:      Because there's too much sugar in ice cream.
Child:  Isn't there a lot of sugar in my cereal?
Me:      Yes.
Child:  And isn't ice cream made out of milk?
Me:      Yes.
Child:  So basically ice cream is milk and sugar, and cereal is milk and sugar.
Me:      (realizing I've just been outsmarted) Technically, yes.  
Child:  I just don't see the problem here.


Child:        Mom, you have a lot of junk in your trunk.
Me:           Yes, I do. Do you know where it came from?
Child:        Us!
Me:            That's right.
2nd Child: (dancing into the living room) Mom?
Me:            Yes?
2nd Child:  You have a lot of junk in your legs, too.


Me:       Go get your hair ribbon. (we're already late for cheerleading)
Child:   I don't know where it is.
Me:       It's in your cheerleading box, in your room.
Child:   I don't think so.
Me:       I gave it to you after the last game and told you to put it away in the box.
Child:   (with a grave look on her face) Oh. You shouldn't have done that.


Child:   (comes to me chewing)
Me:       What are you eating?
Child:    Puz.
Me:        Puz?
Child:    Yeah. Puz. (pulls out a little wad of carpet fuzz from the new carpet)
Me:        Oh, fuzz!
Child:    Yeah. Puz. (puts fuzz back in his mouth, chews and swallows before I can respond)
Me:        Please don't eat anymore fuzz.
Child:    (with giant smile) Okay!


(this next conversation happened only a week or so later at A Day Out With Thomas)
Me:       (introducing child to cotton candy) Here, have some buddy! It's good!
Child:    (wary, recalling how I said peas were good)
Me:       Really! Try some!
Child:    (reaches perpetually wet & sticky hand out to grab some)
Child:    Puz!?!
Me:       (not remembering earlier conversation) Take a bite!
Child:    (genuinely confused) Eat the puz?
Me:        (finally getting it) Yes. Eat the puz.
Child:    (grins and takes a big bite) Mmmm. That's good puz!


(this was at a Thanksgiving table full of relatives)
Child:   Mommy, you're fat.
Me:       Is that so?
Child:   Yep. You're fat.
(entire family shifts in their seats uncomfortably)
Me:      And how did I get that way, darling?
Child:   (with enormous grin) Because of me and bubba!
Me:      That's right. Now eat.


So what funny/embarrassing conversations have you had with your children?
Care to share?