Final FRC Summary

We're done, folks!


I know it's been a rather lengthy ride, but I wanted to detail the falsehoods as best I could. If only one person read this and decided to actually research what is being told to them, then it was worth all the time and effort put into it.


To sum up, the FRC utilized uncited and unnamed 'studies' to support their own religious ideology regarding same-sex marriage.


They spoke about SSM as if we live in a theocracy instead of a democracy, and indeed they think that is how it should be.


They perpetrated the horrible school of thought that seeks to 'repair' and 'convert' homosexuals into heterosexuals (as if such a thing were actually possible), and used a uterine-demon-banishing wacko as one of their 'success stories'.


Not only did they try to convince us that this change was possible, but they suggested it is also necessary; and willfully ignored the opinions of the experts in the field, flying in the face of just about every mental health group out there.


They skewed numbers within their own supposed 'studies', and blatantly fabricated the resulting data, insulting us all by assuming the public would be too dumb or too dumbfounded to notice.


This group - which is rightfully labeled a hate group by the SPLC - could do more damage to LGBT children and teens and their families than just about any other, simply because of their wide reach and deep pockets.


It is our right and our duty to continue to call out groups like this, individuals like this, and not let their hateful and harmful rhetoric destroy what we have worked decades to achieve - equality, respectability, acceptance, tolerance, and the chance to finally just live our lives without having to constantly be looking over our shoulder.


I hope you enjoyed this little series, and if not I hope you at least learned something.


I know I did.

***What would you like to see me write about? Submit a topic in the comments or via twitter - @jenibeanstalk - and I might just do it!***

FRC Series 5: Wrapping Up The Leftovers

I'm hoping you've all had time to digest and get over the big lump of crazy in my last post. Today I just want to address some miscellaneous tidbits that were presented in the FRC documentary, before my final conclusion post. So bear with me, because this is likely to be greatly lacking in cohesiveness. 


Leftover 1:  
One of the claims that Kris Mineau (head of the Mass Family Institute) makes regarding how same-sex marriage is dangerous to children centers around an anecdote about a mother who came to him with a serious concern. Apparently this mother was doing yardwork with her son when the little boy down the street came up to her and asked if it would be alright for him to marry her son when he grew up. According to Mineau, this mother was absolutely aghast, and said "No, of course not! That wouldn't be right!" The neighborhood boy then replied, "Oh yes! In the state of Massachusetts, I can marry a man when I grow up." 


This is supposed to be an example of how damaging same-sex marriage can be to our children. And yet I see it demonstrating the reverse. I don't understand why anything in this conversation was perverse or wrong, except maybe the mother's response making the little boy feel bad or uncomfortable. But bravo to him for following up with a positive statement in the face of her negativity.


Children, especially at the age of five or six, as this little boy was supposed to have been, are notorious for declaring they're going to marry so-and-so when they grow up. Sisters say that about brothers, cousins about cousins...my own son told me when he was about four that he was going to marry me when he was "big", because I was the best mommy ever. They have no concept of romantic love or of what marriage means at this age. So more than likely, this child was only participating in the same kind of behavior, and his choice of future spouse was born of nothing more than admiration of the woman's son and something he heard from his parent(s) or on the news. 


The second option here is that this child, whether by himself or because of his parent(s), has already acknowledged and accepted a world where anyone can marry whom they love. What a wonderful, beautiful future adult he is already! And for this woman to come along and try to derail this sweet child's uninhibited acceptance of equality is just disgusting to me. Yes, she has a right to her opinion, and a right to declare at this age what her son can and cannot do. But those days won't last forever, and how is she going to feel if her son turns out to be homosexual and remembers this conversation? How is that going to affect his sense of self-worth, or his ability to come out safely? And that leads us to my final point on this leftover.


The third (and most important) option in this scenario is that the neighborhood child - even at this early age - already knows there is something 'different' or 'other' about him. I stick by my earlier statement that children in this age group do not have a true concept of romantic love. But they do know whether they are drawn more to the same sex or the opposite sex - and if they are more drawn to the same sex they can see in their friends around them that they are not in the majority. I experienced this, as did many other LGBT individuals I know. And if this conversation was a natural extension of those feelings, this mother telling him that no it was not okay and was, in fact, wrong could do unimaginable damage to his little self-image as he grows and matures. Having adults react this way to things that are normal and natural for him to feel can begin the downward spiral of self-doubt that he is not normal and natural, which can in turn lead to serious emotional issues down the line.


This is where the shame comes from that LGBT children and teens experience. It is not from inherently knowing they are "wrong" in their feelings - it is from being constantly told from all sides that it is not 'normal' and needs to be 'fixed' or changed in some way. A little girl who is African-American can see that she's different from the rest of the kids at an all-white school, but she will not be ashamed of who she is unless she is ridiculed, teased, or ostracized by the other children because of her skin color. If she is fostered in an environment of acceptance and love, then she will not doubt that she is worth as much as the other children even though she is not like them on the outside. 


The same goes for LGBT children. If they are raised in a culture of acceptance, validation, compassion, and love, they will not doubt themselves down the line and focus on how strange or weird they are compared to the 'norm'. Yes, they will still feel different - it's hard not to when the majority representation in society, the media, etc. features people that are not like you - but it will be a difference they are comfortable with because the people around them do not see  or treat them as different. The more equal LGBT individuals are made legislatively, the more confidence a child or teen (or even adult) will have because they are not second-class citizens driven to the back of the bus by society. That's not a negative effect, it's a positive effect. And I feel pity toward Mr. Mineau that he cannot see it that way.




Leftover 2:
Kelly Shackelford, President and CEO of the Liberty Legal Institute, says that the homosexual community is attacking DOMA because we believe somewhere in the constitution there is a right to homosexual marriage; and further, that if we succeed it will force same-sex marriage on the entire country without anyone having the right to vote on it.


Now before your head explodes like mine did, keep in mind that the purpose of Shackelford's organization is to defend and restore religious liberty in America. Indeed, their mission statement contains the phrase, "Liberty Institute’s mission is to defend and restore religious liberty across America — in our schools, for our churches and throughout the public arena." 


So you have to take into account that he's already coming from a position of completely ignoring the idea of separation of church and state, as well as fundamentally not understanding what the phrase "religious liberty" actually means. When you look at it that way, your head might only create enough steam for a headache instead of a full-blown explosion. But then again, it might only make it worse.


Because here is the crux of every argument like this - every single one I have come across (and especially in the case of the FRC) - is centered around Christian rights. Not human rights, not civil rights, not secular rights, not Muslim rights or atheist rights or Jewish rights or pagan rights or Buddhist rights or any other religious group's rights. So tell me again, please...how is this religious freedom and religious liberty?


Yes, Christians are the majority in America. I get that. And I also get that there are hundreds of thousands of Christians that would like to give Tony Perkins & Crew a piece of their mind as much as the rest of us. But fundamentalist Christians such as these we see in the video are no less than bullies in the name of the God they claim to serve. And just because Christianity is the majority religion does not mean they get to make the rules. Just like because white people are the majority race (although not for much longer, which I think is cool), it does not mean they get to make all the rules. 


Allowing the Christian Right to dominate and say what is and is not acceptable simply by virtue of their numbers is tantamount to a Hitler situation. Yeah, I said it. And it's also awfully similar to the whole Sharia Law issue that they denounce so forcefully. The only difference between Sharia Law and what the CR wants to do is the name of the deity involved. If these people are so set to live under a theocracy, then by all means let them move somewhere that ascribes to that belief. As for the United States of America, we are a nation built on the premise of freedom - including the freedom of religion - and their "our way is the only right way" message is not welcome nor is it allowed by law.


That is what they need to remember. Claiming that homosexuality is bad because their God says it's bad falls into the camp of opinion. A misinformed opinion, but an opinion. It does not fall into any category pertaining to law and legislation, however, and it's getting out of control. For a group like Mr. Shackelford's to claim that they exist to fight for religious liberty in our country is a joke. Unfortunately it's not funny.


And no, we are not attacking DOMA because we believe there is a right to homosexual marriage in the constitution. Of course there isn't. Because with all people being equal under the law, there was no reason to write in anything specifically about homosexual marriage, just as there was no reason to write in special passages about mixed-race marriages or a woman's right to vote. When all individuals are considered equal, then all the passages from the constitution apply to them equally. It really isn't that hard, and it is concerning to me that the Christian Right cannot - or will not - see it.


Conversely, I agree with his second statement - that same-sex marriage will be forced on the entire nation without anyone having the right to vote on it. Just as the end of slavery was forced...and a women's right to vote...and marriage between people of two different races. Basic human rights are not put to a vote, nor should they be. And these people need to remember that if you create the type of society that does vote on basic human rights, you have created an avalanche that will eventually bury you underneath it right along with the rest of us.


The thing is, there are times in our history when the human condition has deteriorated so much that the people in power begin to honestly believe they speak for the nation at large. When that occurs, it comes down to the law to right the wrongs done by the entitled majority. 


This is one of those times.




Leftover 3:
We are told, during the portion where the FRC claims we are taking away their religious rights, about a college student named Julea Ward enrolled in the graduate program at East Michigan University. A state school. A public, secular, state school. Keep that in mind, because it will be important later.


Ms. Ward was removed from her graduate program because she refused to counsel a gay couple. She said that, "As a Christian, she could not in good conscience give counseling to a gay couple." And our friend Mario Bergner from earlier in the video states dramatically, "Unless she signs on the dotted line of a particular ideology regarding same-sex attraction, she can't get her education."


It has nothing at all to do with her ascribing to any ideology. If you are going to go to a public, secular state college, then there are certain things you must expect. One, that your religious views and ideas/ideals are not going to take precedence over the coursework. No other religion is expecting special treatment, but here again we see the Christian Right's incredible sense of entitlement. Secondly, you must know - especially getting into any kind of counseling field - you are going to come across things you don't believe in and things that you don't like. I'm going to assume that had she stayed with her education and on into her profession as a counselor of some sort, she would have had to face all sorts of undesirable clients. 


Murder is clearly against the Bible, as is pedophilia (which is actually what many of the passages that have been translated into "homosexual" in the Bible are referring to, but I don't want to confuse you with actual facts). So what would she do if she were placed in a situation by her employer where she had to counsel a child molester? A murderer? Someone who covets his neighbor's wife? Couples made up of remarried individuals? Because the Bible is very clear about all of those things (unlike homosexuality). And if she's going to reject a loving couple who is seeking out counseling to heal their marriage/union because she is a Christian, what in the world would she do with people exhibiting the above listed issues or other clearly forbidden things in the Bible? Not to mention if you take all of those things away, she would be hard pressed to find enough clients to even make a living.


Ms. Ward was not removed from her program because of a bias against Christians, as this documentary is trying to make it seem. She was removed for refusing to do her coursework, which would be the same result for any student that did so. And she and the FRC are so incensed about it because it flies in the face of their entitlement to do as they please without regard to the rules set in place by those in authority.




Leftover 4: (the last leftover)
Tony wraps up his 30 minutes of horribly ignorant rhetoric with a plea directed at his viewers...a call to action, if you will. He states that there are many things we can do to fight the horror of same-sex marriage and the way it is bringing about the complete destruction of society.


First, he calls us all to renew our personal commitment to our own marriage, making it everything God intended it to be. That sounds easy enough.


Oh, wait. He just means the straight people. My bad.


Secondly he reminds us that our votes do matter, and who occupies the office of President or the chairs of the Senate (and subsequently who is responsible for choosing the Supreme Court Justices) is up to us. So we're to take interest and participate in the issues surrounding the candidates, and then vote to express our preferences politically. Now that one I've definitely got. Don't worry, Tony - I'm all over the voting thing. It just might not be the way you'd want.


Third, he reminds the viewing audience that 80% of the U.S. identifies as Christian. Again, he is assuming that 1) his statistics are correct (which, given the history of this video is a big assumption); and 2) that the fact they are the majority means that they should have things their way. His audacity is mind-blowing, truly.


Lastly, he quotes scripture - 1 Timothy 2 to be specific. This chapter states, 


"2 I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people— ² for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. ³ This is good, and pleases God our Savior, ⁴ who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. ⁵ For there is one God and one mediator between God and mankind, the man Christ Jesus, ⁶ who gave himself as a ransom for all people. This has now been witnessed to at the proper time. ⁷ And for this purpose I was appointed a herald and an apostle—I am telling the truth, I am not lying —and a true and faithful teacher of the Gentiles.

⁸ Therefore I want the men everywhere to pray, lifting up holy hands without anger or disputing. ⁹ I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, ¹⁰ but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.

¹¹ A woman^[a] should learn in quietness and full submission. ¹² I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man;^[b] she must be quiet. ¹³ For Adam was formed first, then Eve. ¹⁴ And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. ¹⁵ But women^[c] will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety."

Yeah, I can see how that would be the ideal passage for a married, white, Christian man to use in describing how best to save the world from destruction. There are so many things wrong with that passage that I just don't feel up to addressing them all in detail. Sadly, I have to touch on at least a few, since this is the ending statement he leaves us with and the standard by which he believes we are to live.

First - although this is off topic and something for which I am going to start a separate series - the book of 1 Timothy was written by the apostle Paul. There is a strongly developing movement regarding the dissension between what Paul taught and what Jesus taught and the issues surrounding that fact, especially since Paul never even met Jesus. I guess Paul had a complex about this, because he takes up a whole verse letting us know he was appointed an apostle and that he's telling the truth about that- he's not lying! Anyone with a young child will recognize that argument structure right out of the gate. I know I've personally heard it many times, generally right after I find melted chocolate in their bed or get told that their report card was somehow strangely lost. I mean, who is he trying to convince here, anyway...himself or his audience? Maybe both.

Second, I hope Mr. Perkins hasn't bought his wife any gold or pearls lately, because apparently that's a no-no. Also, I hope she obeys him in quietness and submission, and doesn't ever try to assume authority over a man. I'd hate for her to be riding that bus to hell right next to me. Also, I truly hope that she was able to bear children, because apparently that is how women become saved. So sad that all these poor women who had to adopt or chose to never have kids are going to be condemned to eternal hellfire. It all could have been avoided by popping out a kid or two.

Once again, the opposition has accidentally proven for us how far outside of literally-based scriptural enforcement we have come as a society. If they are not willing to go by the literal translation of every passage, then they should go by no literal translations at all. They accuse us of "cherry picking", when it is they who do this. 

This concludes the last few points of the video I wanted to share with you. I will be writing a summary of sorts to the series and posting it tomorrow or the next day, so don't go away just yet!

FRC Series 4: The Obsession With Gay Sex

We're almost done with this video, I promise. 


But I hope that by reading through this documentary's claims piece by piece, and being presented the truth regarding their statements, you can see how ridiculous and how damaging this group - and others like it - are in the world. And I further hope that you can spread the word regarding our findings, so that this farce of an organization can be ignored by the public at large, and their horrible abuse of the homosexual community can come to an end. After all, if there is no one to listen, there is no reason for them to exist.


So. 


This installment focuses on the FRC's obsession - and honestly the religious right's obsession - with homosexual sex. 


Why they continually focus on the sexual aspect of the LGBT community has always been confounding to me. No group goes around discussing how unsanitary heterosexual acts are - when they are, in fact, no different than homosexual acts. The only difference is the gender of the people involved. 


Think about that for a minute. (And this is likely to get graphic, so if you're easily offended you might want to jump ship now.)


Many proponents of the anti-gay movement focus in on how unsanitary and unnatural and unhealthy anal sex or oral sex is - how unsanitary, unnatural, and unhealthy it is to deposit sperm into a mouth or anus. They create pamphlets, comics, and books on this, and claim this is one of the reasons the gay population is spreading disease to everyone else. You can see examples of this here and here. (Warning: Strong language and rampant sarcasm in the first example, and graphic detailing of sexual acts in the second.)


What is most irritating about this is two-fold. 


First, that they focus solely on the sexual acts of homosexuals. We are no more defined by our sexual acts than heterosexuals are by theirs. We have relationships, commitments, children, grocery shopping, church on Sunday, soccer games, etc. 


Just. Like. Everyone. Else. 


Yes, we have sex. Yes, it is wonderful. But it is not the sum total of our relationships. It is simply the connective component found in ALL romantic relationships. Not just ours.


And secondly, the way they describe (usually in graphic detail) the sexual acts between homosexual partners and try to make it "so disgusting!" is comical when you really think about it. Because heterosexual couples do all the same things we do. 


Read that again. 


Heterosexual and homosexual couples participate in the same sexual activities. The only difference, as I said before, is the gender of the participants.


They go on and on about anal sex. Oral sex. The insertion of various body parts into other various body parts. Sadomasochistic activities. Casual hookups. 


Well, news flash:  We don't hold the monopoly on those practices. Shocking, isn't it?


And yet somehow, because there are two people of the same gender involved, the practice suddenly becomes 'disgusting' and 'harmful' and 'disease spreading'. How is it that the nation at large has not caught on to this? Is it because many hetero couples do not disclose what happens in their own bedrooms? Is it because they are ashamed of what they enjoy, and so they seek to employ transference of that guilt onto the LGBT community?


I don't know. And honestly, I don't care about the 'why'. I just want to get the education out there and stop the ignorance, which is why I set about writing this series in the first place. So let's get back to that, shall we?


I covered all but one of the 'ex-gays' involved in this video. This last one that I want to address is Joanne Highley. 


When we first see this woman in the documentary, she looks like a normal, everyday grandmother. But underneath that come-in-I'll-make-you-cookies exterior lies a whole mess of crazy.


Joanne and her husband Ron are the founders of LIFE - Living In Freedom Eternally. She claims to have counseled over 1500 people with 'unwanted same-sex attraction' in her 33 years of 'practice'. When faced with the findings that reparative/conversion therapy is not effective, she retorts, "They can say whatever they want...I see it. It's real."


Let's get the backstory on Joanne first, before we delve into the realm of complete insanity.


Joanne admits she "had problems with lesbianism" for 10 years. Apparently at the age of 13, she was fervent about showing signs of leadership in her school and had become the first female president of the student council. Then - as Joanne tells it - there was a girl that came to "admire and worship her" over time. They became study buddies, and one day during study time the girl kissed Joanne. 


Now of course, at this juncture Joanne makes a point to stop and say she "knew it was wrong", and that it was "repulsive at first". But she follows with how it "ignited feelings of desire", which she quickly qualifies as the desire "to get out from underneath her mother's control". The statement seems a bit non sequitur given the subject matter, but I will explain.


Briefly (if you want the whole kit and caboodle, watch the video), at around the age of four, Joanne's father died and her mother subsequently had to go to work. Her mother refused to sleep alone, so she made Joanne sleep with her, and as she grew, anything 'manly' that needed doing around the house was left to Joanne. In her words, this caused her to become her "mother's emotional mate", and made her feel masculine and strong. Apparently by the time she met this 'tomboyish' girl at the age of 13, she was tired of being her mother's protector and helpmate, so she saw this girl as a way out of that. During the time of WWII.


I know. It makes no sense to me, either. But it just gets nuttier from here, I assure you.


Joanne says she kept going back to this girl even though she knew it was wrong, because she felt compassion for her. One evening during a sleepover, the two became sexually active. It continued, Joanne tells us, because of the "addictive nature" of homosexuality. It must have been really addictive for her, because the two stayed together until Joanne was 23, and had even pledged themselves to each other at 16 in a 'marriage' ceremony. She later claims that after every time they were intimate they would both say "this is wrong", but they would always go back for more.


Eventually they decided to attend different Bible colleges, and Joanne began to date boys. Her partner (wife, girlfriend, whatever) wrote to tell Joanne that she had found another woman, which resulted in Joanne weeping for a week and feeling like she was "dying". 


Then came the big epiphany for her that she was free of this 'addiction', and she never looked back. Joanne realized that the reason she had been attracted to this girl was because she had told her all the things she wanted to hear (not, you know, because she loved her or enjoyed their physical relationship or anything), and then spends a lot of time convincing us that she never had another lesbian thought, how she's crazy about her husband, and about how gorgeous he is with his beautiful muscles. 


Huuurrrk. Moving on...


So now Joanne and her husband with the beautiful muscles run the LIFE Ministry, as I said above. What is unique about these two is that they banish demons. Gay demons. Demons of "lust and lasciviousness". Because everyone knows heterosexuals never participate in either of those. 


Speaking of things that are gay-specific, the places from which Joanne has banished these demons by cleansing with the blood of Jesus and casting out their demonic powers is as follows: uteruses, genitals, "and of course" anal canals, intestines, and throats and mouths if there's been an "ungodly deposit of semen". 


I wish I were kidding, but I am not. Here is the link to her video from 1993 in which she makes these horribly specific claims. And it is terribly obvious from listening to her now on this documentary that she has not moved any closer to sane with age.


In fact, she tells us that "sex, according to God, is becoming one flesh. If you become one flesh, the sex organs of same-sex couples cannot become one flesh. There's no way."


Hmm...I must be doing it wrong, then.


This is what we're up against, people. Groups and individuals that target the 'evil homosexual practices' of our community. And not one of them - not one of them - acknowledges that hetero couples do the same things. Not to mention the fact that a large majority of our LGBT community doesn't participate in half these things anyway. 


In another fun example of crazy, pastor Patrick Wooden (who was one of the forerunners in the campaign in NC to get the most recent amendment passed outlawing civil unions) goes into excruciatingly minute detail of anal sex while on Peter LeBarbara's radio show. You might have already heard of it, as it is clip that has been widely circulated. He claims he has personally known a man who knew a man who died in diapers because of his wicked lifestyle, and has heard accounts from hospitals stating cell phones (that went off during surgery) and baseball bats had to be removed from homosexual male's rectums. He has spoken so often about this that he has been termed the "anal-obsessed" pastor. 


I think he and Joanne should go bowling sometime.


He also longs for the days when violence against the LGBT community was acceptable and right, believes Tyler Perry's character Medea promotes perversion, and gives advice to a mother with a transgender child to "whoop his ass". You can listen to all the drivel here - it connects you to an entire page of his disgusting diatribe.


Oh, and by the way - he's one of the FRC's top mouthpieces. Funny, that.


Are you seeing the pattern? Are you getting the message? These people who are out to destroy that which they do not understand simply on the basis that they do not understand it are the definition of danger. 


This kind of perversion of truth is why children are dying. This is why innocent babies of 13 and 14 think that blowing their brains out is the best answer to what 'ails' them.


Let me repeat what I have already said numerous times - the sex acts perpetrated by the gay community are the same sex acts perpetrated by the straight community. 


These things for which the anti-gay establishment is calling for judgment against us are the same things they do behind closed doors. The same things that straight couples enjoy in the privacy of their bedrooms and their legal marriages the world over. And yes, I know not all couples choose these types of things in their sexual relationships. But that's the key here - "not all couples" means all couples. LGBT included.


Sex is a personal thing. It is a precious, spiritual, connective act that allows individuals to physically share the most vulnerable gift they have. Do some LGBT individuals trivialize it and abuse the act? Absolutely. But so do many more straight people, and no one is putting their rights up for a vote.


To have our experiences debased like this by people who do the same things behind their own closed doors, and made out to be the sum total of any homosexual relationship makes me ill. 


You don't want to have gay sex? Don't. But remember the next time you put your this into her that or vice versa, there are millions of LGBT couples on every continent connecting with their partners the exact same way. 


So tell me again...who is the disgusting one?

FRC Series 3 : The Ex-Gay Ex-cuse (Part 2)

In my last post, I covered the position of FRC and the religious right regarding reparative therapy, and included several links to respected health organizations who have spoken out against it. To get that backstory, click here.


Today we're going to look at the last few points within the FRC's video documentary, The Problem With Same-Sex Marriage. There will be one (maybe two) more blog(s) after this, with a summary of all we have talked about, and then I'll be moving on to new topics. I'm sure you're as ready for that change as I am. All this crazy is exhausting.


We meet several individuals in this video who claim to be "ex-gays", or recovered from the affliction of their "same-sex attraction". As I stated in my last post, the likelihood that these people have actually successfully changed their innate sexual orientation is infinitesimally low. However, it is entirely possible that having been brainwashed by reparative therapy sessions, these individuals have come to fear and loathe who they are, and thus have successfully learned to 'play it straight' in order to function in a heteronormative society in the roles they have been bullied/coerced into playing.

(FYI: I'm not going to tackle these stories in any particular order, so the listing below doesn't line up exactly with the timeline of the video.)

During the section where the FRC is exploring how their 1st Amendment rights are being taken away, we are introduced to Reverend Mario Bergner, who claims he is an "ex-gay". 


Rev. Bergner is an Anglican priest who says he got out of the "homosexual lifestyle" by seeking Christ, and that he is now married and has five children. He has also written a book, Setting Love In Order, about his life, his journey out of homosexuality, and how sexual orientation can be changed. 


His biggest complaint is that as the protection of LGBT individuals grew in the legal realm, hate speech laws were implemented that affected the printing and distributing of certain materials (including his book, which is funny because I found it on Amazon.com in two seconds) due to the "over-broad application" of the laws. Rev. Bergner goes on to say that the reason these laws were enacted centers around a "covert discrimination of the Christian understanding of homosexuality".


At first it is easy to dismiss this man as just a case of 'sour grapes', seeing as he thinks his book can no longer be sold (it was even declared a "dangerous book" on French TV). But dig a little deeper and look at what he's really saying, and you see the beginning of an alarming trend that seems to be an unavoidable by-product of reparative therapy - an attitude of elitism and complete intolerance for any other viewpoints. 


This man - who has struggled with the realization all LGBT people go through when they realize they are 'different' - is now sitting in the seat of judgment against those with whom he shares more commonality than he cares to admit. Being married to a person of the opposite sex and producing children does not mean you are not gay. It means you have made a choice to go against your nature - the way the Creator made you - and subverted your own sense of self in favor of a radical agenda based on lies. 


Hundreds of thousands of LGBT individuals have been party to a heterosexual marriage, a large percentage of them resulting in children. In my own personal little circle of friends, 6 out of 10 of us have been married to someone of the opposite sex, and one more was engaged to a man before she broke it off. That's 60% in just my immediate realm, not counting the engagement! Three of us have children from those relationships, and there's not a single "Gold Star" among us (Gold Star = lesbian who has never slept with a man). So simply claiming you are not gay because you are married and have children is a little like saying you are not overweight because you still have size 6 clothing in your closet. The one does not prove the other.


The part that bothers me the most, however, is how Rev. Bergner claims the laws that were enacted to protect the LGBT community were a direct result of our discriminatory practices against the Christian religion and its view of homosexuality, and that now the people who want to seek out reparative therapy and recover from their "same-sex attraction" are having to fight for their rights to do so. 


Seriously? This priest is honestly going to sit there and tell us that laws created to protect the rights of American citizens is discriminatory? It's even more ridiculous when you take into account that Christianity is the majority religion in this country. Yet they suffer from discrimination at the hands of the deviant gays. And those seeking to change their orientation do not have to fight for any rights to do so - you could throw a stick (at least around my neck of the woods) and hit three different churches that offer reparative therapy for homosexuality.


I just cannot wrap my head around this. What is he expecting us to say to these claims? "Oh, we're sorry! We didn't mean to offend your religious beliefs with our civil, legal rights and protections that we deserve under the law as equal American citizens! Here, let me rewind and go back to our youth being murdered for their real or perceived orientation. I mean, what's a few young gay lives, anyway? We'll just return to the days when people could refuse us entrance to groups or venues, fire us for being homosexual, and bully/beat someone someone until they are unrecognizable even to their family. What's really important here is that you get free reign to impose your beliefs on everyone else. We see that now. Our mistake." Ridiculousness.


But this is the reality of what we're up against. And the saddest part of this mess is that this could all be avoided if the people behind it stopped simply regurgitating what they are told and did their own, independent research. Christianity and homosexuality have never needed and will never need to be mutually exclusive. But that is a topic for another post.


The next case I want to talk about is that of Gerry and Lorraine Stobbe. This part actually left me in tears, because I could see the pain, the agony, the self-hatred that Gerry displays - all while attempting to tell us this was the best thing he could have done. I do have to say in this couple's defense, they are the only ones anywhere in this video that acknowledge the hardship of trying to live as someone you are not. They don't put it that way, but it's there.


The Stobbes have been married for 27 years. Gerry Stobbe begins by telling us that theirs has not been an easy marriage, due to his "inner turmoil" of dealing with and blocking out his "same-sex attraction". 


We see both of them talking at the table with what seems a forced attempt at camaraderie. Although he remembers having an attraction and interest in the same sex as early as the age of seven, Gerry claims that this is the path God has chosen for him and that His plan is better than anything else Gerry could come up with himself. He even looks as though he almost believes it.


His wife, Lorraine, appears on camera looking strained, defensive, and exhausted. Her take on the situation is that she has stayed with Gerry because she truly believes God has called them to be married. "He calls us to be together as man and woman as long as we should live," she says. This all just made me so very, very sad. 


Both of these individuals seem like nice enough people. But they look haggard, worn down, disappointed, and exhausted. One can only assume it is from the constant efforts to battle the Big Gay Monster back into its closet. And for what? Gerry and Lorraine could have both led a life full of joy, honesty, self-love, and true intimacy with another human being. All it would have taken was one selfless person to show them both how and why Gerry is the way he is, and how there is nothing wrong with it in the slightest - not even according to the Bible. 


Instead, Gerry was made to feel wrong, perverted, deviant, and sinful. They taught him to be ashamed of who he is, and pushed that shame until he agreed with their assessments. So four lives were essentially destroyed here - Gerry's, Lorraine's, and the men they would have loved. 


Gerry missed out on a life where he could truly be himself and live with acceptance and authenticity. He missed out on the chance to find his true love and experience that sense of complete intimacy between two people who are deeply in love with each other. Lorraine also missed out on a life with a man who could love her the way she deserved to be loved. It is not her fault that her husband is gay, and yet because of religious and societal influences - and the role played by the FRC and groups like them - she payed the ultimate price anyway. And then there's the two men out there in the world who could have had these wonderful people as their partners or their husband/wife. They will never know what they missed out on. And it's all for nothing.


Joe Dallas is another man claiming to have overcome his homosexuality. His life is now devoted to helping others do the same. (You can view his website for his organization, Genesis Counseling, here.) He says he is qualified to counsel others because he himself has been a man struggling with "same-sex attraction". He says he knows what it is to beg for help, and that he himself spoke to God about it directly, saying, "Lord, I have this condition. I did not ask for it, and I don't know what to do about it. Where do I go from here?" From this, God apparently led him out of the horror of homosexuality.


You can probably already guess what major issue I have with this story. I prayed almost that exact same prayer. So did many, many other LGBT individuals I have spoken with. And yet nothing happened. Were we not worthy? Did we not mean it enough? Does that mean God sits up on His throne with his "Straightenator", arbitrarily pointing at people? Hmmm...I like this one - I'll make him straight. But this one over here? She gets on my nerves - she stays gay. 


I mean, really. What are the criteria for having your prayers answered here? The ex-gay movement and reparative therapists would say we are not trying hard enough, and we were not sincere in our pleas. Instead of recognizing that people are just born the way they are, these factions place the blame for failure back on the very person who has come to them for help. Oh, it's not our fault. Our techniques are flawless, and we have God on our side! It must be something you are doing wrong. You're still having those thoughts and not asking forgiveness for this disgusting sin. You are not really committed to changing and following God's word on homosexuality. I can hear it now.


Another "ex-gay" pops up, this one being Jeff Buchanan, the Senior Director of Church Equipping and Student Ministries for the Exodus group. His blatantly false claim numbers among the more outrageous statements in this documentary. He says that it is an absolute truth that a person can change their orientation, and that the evidence lies in the thousands of former homosexuals that have successfully shifted their orientation to live a happy, straight life. 


It gets very tiresome hearing these kinds of claims, especially when you know and have done the research to find that the majority of these 'success stories' are only able to live a straight life for a short period of time before they relapse - some for just few months and they're back on the straight horse, and some who drop the pretenses altogether and ride that rainbow-colored horse into the sunset. Exodus does not do extended follow-up on their 'clients', and one has to wonder if it is because they know deep down what they're doing is a futile effort that produces nothing but a bunch of self-hating, suppressed individuals. 


There are a few more "ex-gays" that pop up quickly, like Christine, Frank, and Christ (yes, that's his name), but they don't have the extensive backstories like the others. Christ does mention his despair when he received the piece of paper stating he had HIV, but there is no follow up story or tie-in so it seems completely non-sequitur. 


I'm going to save the craziest, most disturbing "ex-gay" for the next installment, because she ties directly in to the subject of said blog - The Obsession With Gay Sex".


Stay tuned!

FRC Series 3: The Ex-Gay Ex-cuse (Part 1)

One of the major talking points of the conservative movement is that homosexuality is a chosen behavior, and that it can be 'fixed' or 'overcome' with reparative therapy. This, of course, is complete crap and every gay person knows it. But therein lies the rub - every gay person knows it. But many straight people think that just maybe it could be fixable, reversible. After all, with organizations such as Exodus and programs such as the Love Won Out symposiums, I think the general public might be getting the wrong message. And I think it's a big problem that is directly affecting our progress toward equality.


The Family Research Council's documentary on "The Problem With Same-Sex Marriage" has taken advantage of the miniscule 'ex-gay' population with a vengeance. They feature several individuals who have supposedly 'overcome their same-sex attraction' and gone on to lead normal (read: straight) lives. I find these people alternately fascinating and worthy of my pity, but there's one common thread that runs through all their stories - God helped them go straight. 


Now, I'm not negating the power of God, by whatever name you call Him/Her. Not at all. In fact, I have seen many miracles wrought by the 'powers that be', and I have witnessed too much of the spiritual to even try and make a case for us all coming from the nothingness. But I have so many issues with the 'ex-gay' movement, and the idea that God will 'save' you from your gayness is at the top of the list. Bear with me, and I'll tell you why...


From the time our children are little, we teach them they are beautiful, incredible beings that were wonderfully and perfectly crafted by the Creator. We nurture that in them, help them understand their place in the universe, and foster their connection to every living thing through God. And then one day they discover that something is different about them...and its scary. It's embarrassing and frightening because despite what they've been taught, despite what we have worked all our lives to get them to internalize and believe, society and religion have frowned upon these feelings that are blossoming inside our sweet children against their will. 


At that point do we pull this child close and tell them again how they are wonderfully and perfectly made, and that everything will be okay? 


No. No, we do not. We point our fingers and gnash our teeth. Rip our garments and put ashes on our heads, praying first that the neighbors never find out and then maybe that our child will overcome this as a side note. We become embarrassed of our own child, begging him or her to please just not say anything to anyone, and let's get you to a pastor, and we're going to find a way to fix this even if it means emptying out our retirement fund.

And then we wonder why we have children eating their father's gun or stringing 

themselves up by their belts from a closet rail.

Then suddenly we find hope in a group like Exodus, or even at our local church. Someone, somewhere says they can 'fix' our child, and we willingly give our offspring - our very flesh and blood - over to a group of people that convince them they are sinners and perverts and that they have to renounce their feelings (that they never asked for) and change their ways (which they've tried for years to do already), and learn to live as God intended (read: as THEY intended) as a straight person in a heterosexual marriage that produces children as the Bible says it should be.


Sometimes, it works. Sometimes, the person is so shamed and scared by the talk of hellfire that they do enter into a heterosexual marriage and produce children. But it is not as the Bible says it should be. It is not as anyone or any text says it should be. Because it is a lie.


Let me repeat that in case you just skimmed over it. It. Is. A. Lie. How can I be so sure? 


Because for nine years, I lived it. 


Indulge me a little and allow me to give you the highlights of my experience attempting to be an 'ex-gay' before I return to the ridiculousness of the claims on the FRC documentary. It all ties in, I promise. 
_______________________________________
Like many other gay people I have met, I knew something was different by third grade - I just didn't understand what it was, and I didn't have a word for it. Everything became terribly clear at the age of 16 when I kissed a girl for the first time...the world stopped, and suddenly I understood everything my friends had been talking about. The tingles all through my body...the way my stomach did a flip-flop every time I saw her in the hall. I had never had that with a boy, and had thought I must have been doing something wrong. But that day - that first kiss - brought everything into perfect focus, and I was terrified. 


Long story short, I didn't come out to my parents personally - I was outed by my girlfriend's mom who caught us in bed together. You can imagine how that went down. Let's just say that the reaction was enough to send me running back into that closet, where I would stay until the age of 29. I dated men, I slept with men, because that was what I was supposed to do. I thought maybe if I just did it enough it would stick. 


No dice. 


I wanted children desperately, so I locked my sights onto my best guy friend at the time, landed him, and was married by 21. We had some pretty major fertility problems, which I secretly believed was my fault because I was such a horrible person for still having these 'gay' issues and feelings. I was struggling every day to be the wife and potential mother I thought I should be. Eventually we did have two children (four, if you count souls, (which I do) because I lost two babies in between my live births), and all was well.


Except it wasn't. I still wasn't straight. No matter what I did - keep the perfect house, be the perfect stay-at-home-mom, support my husband - nothing took away my feelings about women. And the kicker was, I didn't want to sleep with my husband. At all. Ever. I was done having my children, so in my mind there was no good reason to go through the torture of sex, and it had nothing at all to do with him. He was a good man, and had been my best friend until the sham of a marriage tore us both apart.


When I was 29 I did a horrible thing and had an affair with a woman. I remember bawling like a baby because I finally felt that connection again...that rightness of what I was doing. But I was married, and I had two children to think of. I fought with myself constantly. I prayed. I begged God to stop it - to take it away. I had been doing this most of my adult life with no results, but it didn't stop me from trying. I talked to priests and pastors and studied my Bible, all the while beating myself up for the disgusting monster I was. 


Finally one of my friends told me what her priest (and my former priest) had told her, which was that the Church hadn't quite caught up to science yet, and we just have to be patient. That there is no reason to be ashamed of being a homosexual, because that's how God made you. To turn away from that was to turn away from the life God meant you to have.


Those words changed everything. 


They gave me courage, strength, and belief in myself for the first time in a long time. I had ruined years of two lives (mine and my husband's), but it didn't have to be that way. I split from my husband and filed for divorce. It was hard for him, and terrible for me, but I knew I was doing the right thing.


That has only been proven out to be the case, as I have been happily partnered for years with a wonderful woman who loves my children like her own, my ex-husband has found the love of his life and married her just a few weeks ago; and my children are happy, loving, well-adjusted little beings.
______________________________________
The point of this long, drawn-out insight into my past is to show you that being an 'ex-gay' is not that great of an option. Yes, you can do it...but you ruin so many lives in the process. It's not fair to the individual, and it's not fair to the person they marry. 


But according to the FRC, it's the only way to go, and God can help you get there.


And that's my biggest issue. Here are these people, telling the world that God can save you from your gayness, when it just isn't true. So not only are you setting them up for failure at being straight, you are telling them essentially that when they fail it isn't God's fault but their own sinful nature taking over. That is so damaging and so deadly to so many LGBT individuals. Being gay is not a failure. Being gay is just another factor, like having blue eyes and brown hair. But if you listen to the 'ex-gays' on this video, you would think it is just like flipping a switch. Say these prayers, really believe, and BLAMO, you're straight! Congratulations!


Julie Hamilton, the president of the NARTH organization (National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuals) makes some downright outrageous claims in this documentary. 


She says "People believe they are born this way, but that has not been the conclusion of researchers. There are so many with unwanted same-sex attraction that want another option for their lives."


First of all, we are born this way. Take a moment and really think - who would choose this? Who would choose an orientation that guarantees your life is going to be harder than all of your straight peers? That will possibly and most likely alienate you from many of your friends, family, and business associates? That brings on slurs and violence and unwarranted hatred, to the point of being murdered? 


Think about it. WHY would anyone choose this life? 


Don't get me wrong - I love my life. I am happy, fulfilled, and completely content with who I am. I am proud of my relationship, my orientation, and my little lesbian-led family. But that doesn't mean it hasn't been hard, or that it isn't going to continue to be hard. And to declare that these kids - who have found no other way to deal with the pain of bullying and ignorant hatred than to kill themselves - consciously made the choice to be gay is just abominable.


We are born into who we are, and sexual orientation is only a small part of that. The fact that these people have "unwanted same-sex attraction" is because they have been taught or told all their lives by society, their family, and their religion that being homosexual is unnatural and disgusting, and that they are bound for hell if they do not change their ways. Who wouldn't want to change that? If they were given the opportunity to really be themselves, and lead an authentic, out life without danger of ridicule or exile, I guarantee you there would be no more "unwanted" gayness. 


Later in the documentary, she speaks again regarding reparative therapy specifically. 


To paraphrase, Ms. Hamilton states that while there are many who say that it is harmful to try and help people with homosexual tendencies change those tendencies through therapy, there have never been any research studies that have shown that is true. And she's right, about the studies at least. There have not been any specifically geared toward showing reparative therapy is harmful. 


There have, however, been these statements:

American Academy of Pediatrics

"Confusion about sexual orientation is not unusual during adolescence. Counseling may be helpful for young people who are uncertain about their sexual orientation or for those who are uncertain about how to express their sexuality and might profit from an attempt at clarification through a counseling or psychotherapeutic initiative. Therapy directed specifically at changing sexual orientation is contraindicated, since it can provoke guilt and anxiety while having little or no potential for achieving changes in orientation."

Homosexuality and Adolescence: Pediatrics

American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy

"The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy takes the position that same sex orientation is not a mental disorder. Therefore, we do not believe that sexual orientation in and of itself requires treatment or intervention."

Statement on Nonpathologizing Sexual Orientation

American Counseling Association

"The American Counseling Association opposes portrayals of lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth and adults as mentally ill due to their sexual orientation; and supports the dissemination of accurate information about sexual orientation, mental health, and appropriate interventions in order to counteract bias that is based on ignorance or unfounded beliefs about same-gender sexual orientation."

Resolution, as reported in the American Psychological Association's publication, "Just the Facts about Sexual Orientation and Youth

American Medical Association

"Our AMA… opposes, the use of 'reparative' or 'conversion' therapy that is based upon the assumption that homosexuality per se is a mental disorder or based upon the a prior assumption that the patient should change his/her homosexual orientation."

H-160.991, Healthcare Needs of the Homosexual Population

American Psychiatric Association

"Psychotherapeutic modalities to convert or 'repair' homosexuality are based on developmental theories whose scientific validity is questionable. Furthermore, anecdotal reports of "cures" are counterbalanced by anecdotal claims of psychological harm. In the last four decades, "reparative" therapists have not produced any rigorous scientific research to substantiate their claims of cure. Until there is such research available, [the American Psychiatric Association] recommends that ethical practitioners refrain from attempts to change individuals' sexual orientation, keeping in mind the medical dictum to first, do no harm.

The potential risks of reparative therapy are great, including depression, anxiety and self-destructive behavior, since therapist alignment with societal prejudices against homosexuality may reinforce self-hatred already experienced by the patient. Many patients who have undergone reparative therapy relate that they were inaccurately told that homosexuals are lonely, unhappy individuals who never achieve acceptance or satisfaction. The possibility that the person might achieve happiness and satisfying interpersonal relationships as a gay man or lesbian is not presented, nor are alternative approaches to dealing with the effects of societal stigmatization discussed.

Therefore, the American Psychiatric Association opposes any psychiatric treatment, such as reparative or conversion therapy which is based upon the assumption that homosexuality per se is a mental disorder or based upon the a prior assumption that the patient should change his/her sexual homosexual orientation."

Efforts to Change Sexual Orientation Through Therapy

American Psychoanalytic Association

"Same-gender sexual orientation cannot be assumed to represent a deficit in personality development or the expression of psychopathology. As with any societal prejudice, anti-homosexual bias negatively affects mental health, contributing to an enduring sense of stigma and pervasive self-criticism in people of same-gender sexual orientation through the internalization of such prejudice.

As in all psychoanalytic treatments, the goal of analysis with homosexual patients is understanding. Psychoanalytic technique does not encompass purposeful efforts to "convert" or "repair" an individual's sexual orientation. Such directed efforts are against fundamental principles of psychoanalytic treatment and often result in substantial psychological pain by reinforcing damaging internalized homophobic attitudes."

Position Statement on Reparative Therapy

American Psychological Association

"THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED, That the American Psychological Association affirms that same-sex sexual and romantic attractions, feelings, and behaviors are normal and positive variations of human sexuality regardless of sexual orientation identity;

BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, That the American Psychological Association reaffirms its position that homosexuality per se is not a mental disorder and opposes portrayals of sexual minority youths and adults as mentally ill due to their sexual orientation;

BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, That the American Psychological Association concludes that there is insufficient evidence to support the use of psychological interventions to change sexual orientation;

BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, That the American Psychological Association encourages mental health professionals to avoid misrepresenting the efficacy of sexual orientation change efforts by promoting or promising change in sexual orientation when providing assistance to individuals distressed by their own or others' sexual orientation…"

Resolution on Affirmative Appropriate Responses to Sexual Orientation Distress and Change Efforts

American School Counselor Association

"Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered and questioning (LGBTQ) youth often begin to experience self-identification during their pre-adolescent or adolescent years, as do heterosexual youth. These developmental processes are essential cognitive, emotional and social activities, and although they may have an impact on student development and achievement, they are not a sign of illness, mental disorder or emotional problems nor do they necessarily signify sexual activity.

The professional school counselor works with all students through the stages of identity development and understands this development may be more difficult for LGBTQ youth. It is not the role of the professional school counselor to attempt to change a student's sexual orientation/gender identity but instead to provide support to LGBTQ students to promote student achievement and personal well-being."

The Professional School Counselor and LGBTQ Youth

National Association of Social Workers

"People seek mental health services for many reasons. Accordingly, it is fair to assert that lesbians and gay men seek therapy for the same reasons that heterosexual people do. However, the increase in media campaigns, often coupled with coercive messages from family and community members, has created an environment in which lesbians and gay men often are pressured to seek reparative or conversion therapies, which cannot and will not change sexual orientation. Aligned with the American Psychological Association's (1997) position, NCLGB [NASW's National Committee on Lesbian and Gay Issues] believes that such treatment potentially can lead to severe emotional damage. Specifically, transformational ministries are fueled by stigmatization of lesbians and gay men, which in turn produces the social climate that pressures some people to seek change in sexual orientation. No data demonstrate that reparative or conversion therapies are effective, and in fact they may be harmful."

Position Statement: Reparative and Conversion Therapies

Pan American Health Organization (PAHO): Regional Office of the World Health Organization

Services that purport to "cure" people with non-heterosexual sexual orientation lack medical justification and represent a serious threat to the health and well-being of affected people, the Pan American Health Organization (PAHO) said in a position statement launched on 17 May, 2012, the International Day against Homophobia. The statement calls on governments, academic institutions, professional associations and the media to expose these practices and to promote respect for diversity.

Statement - "Therapies" to change sexual orientation lack medical justification and threaten health.

***But she's totally right...there are no research studies to support it...

Stay tuned for Part 2 of "The Ex-gay Ex-cuse"