Today we're going to look at the last few points within the FRC's video documentary, The Problem With Same-Sex Marriage. There will be one (maybe two) more blog(s) after this, with a summary of all we have talked about, and then I'll be moving on to new topics. I'm sure you're as ready for that change as I am. All this crazy is exhausting.
We meet several individuals in this video who claim to be "ex-gays", or recovered from the affliction of their "same-sex attraction". As I stated in my last post, the likelihood that these people have actually successfully changed their innate sexual orientation is infinitesimally low. However, it is entirely possible that having been brainwashed by reparative therapy sessions, these individuals have come to fear and loathe who they are, and thus have successfully learned to 'play it straight' in order to function in a heteronormative society in the roles they have been bullied/coerced into playing.
(FYI: I'm not going to tackle these stories in any particular order, so the listing below doesn't line up exactly with the timeline of the video.)
During the section where the FRC is exploring how their 1st Amendment rights are being taken away, we are introduced to Reverend Mario Bergner, who claims he is an "ex-gay".
Rev. Bergner is an Anglican priest who says he got out of the "homosexual lifestyle" by seeking Christ, and that he is now married and has five children. He has also written a book, Setting Love In Order, about his life, his journey out of homosexuality, and how sexual orientation can be changed.
His biggest complaint is that as the protection of LGBT individuals grew in the legal realm, hate speech laws were implemented that affected the printing and distributing of certain materials (including his book, which is funny because I found it on Amazon.com in two seconds) due to the "over-broad application" of the laws. Rev. Bergner goes on to say that the reason these laws were enacted centers around a "covert discrimination of the Christian understanding of homosexuality".
At first it is easy to dismiss this man as just a case of 'sour grapes', seeing as he thinks his book can no longer be sold (it was even declared a "dangerous book" on French TV). But dig a little deeper and look at what he's really saying, and you see the beginning of an alarming trend that seems to be an unavoidable by-product of reparative therapy - an attitude of elitism and complete intolerance for any other viewpoints.
This man - who has struggled with the realization all LGBT people go through when they realize they are 'different' - is now sitting in the seat of judgment against those with whom he shares more commonality than he cares to admit. Being married to a person of the opposite sex and producing children does not mean you are not gay. It means you have made a choice to go against your nature - the way the Creator made you - and subverted your own sense of self in favor of a radical agenda based on lies.
Hundreds of thousands of LGBT individuals have been party to a heterosexual marriage, a large percentage of them resulting in children. In my own personal little circle of friends, 6 out of 10 of us have been married to someone of the opposite sex, and one more was engaged to a man before she broke it off. That's 60% in just my immediate realm, not counting the engagement! Three of us have children from those relationships, and there's not a single "Gold Star" among us (Gold Star = lesbian who has never slept with a man). So simply claiming you are not gay because you are married and have children is a little like saying you are not overweight because you still have size 6 clothing in your closet. The one does not prove the other.
The part that bothers me the most, however, is how Rev. Bergner claims the laws that were enacted to protect the LGBT community were a direct result of our discriminatory practices against the Christian religion and its view of homosexuality, and that now the people who want to seek out reparative therapy and recover from their "same-sex attraction" are having to fight for their rights to do so.
Seriously? This priest is honestly going to sit there and tell us that laws created to protect the rights of American citizens is discriminatory? It's even more ridiculous when you take into account that Christianity is the majority religion in this country. Yet they suffer from discrimination at the hands of the deviant gays. And those seeking to change their orientation do not have to fight for any rights to do so - you could throw a stick (at least around my neck of the woods) and hit three different churches that offer reparative therapy for homosexuality.
I just cannot wrap my head around this. What is he expecting us to say to these claims? "Oh, we're sorry! We didn't mean to offend your religious beliefs with our civil, legal rights and protections that we deserve under the law as equal American citizens! Here, let me rewind and go back to our youth being murdered for their real or perceived orientation. I mean, what's a few young gay lives, anyway? We'll just return to the days when people could refuse us entrance to groups or venues, fire us for being homosexual, and bully/beat someone someone until they are unrecognizable even to their family. What's really important here is that you get free reign to impose your beliefs on everyone else. We see that now. Our mistake." Ridiculousness.
But this is the reality of what we're up against. And the saddest part of this mess is that this could all be avoided if the people behind it stopped simply regurgitating what they are told and did their own, independent research. Christianity and homosexuality have never needed and will never need to be mutually exclusive. But that is a topic for another post.
The next case I want to talk about is that of Gerry and Lorraine Stobbe. This part actually left me in tears, because I could see the pain, the agony, the self-hatred that Gerry displays - all while attempting to tell us this was the best thing he could have done. I do have to say in this couple's defense, they are the only ones anywhere in this video that acknowledge the hardship of trying to live as someone you are not. They don't put it that way, but it's there.
The Stobbes have been married for 27 years. Gerry Stobbe begins by telling us that theirs has not been an easy marriage, due to his "inner turmoil" of dealing with and blocking out his "same-sex attraction".
We see both of them talking at the table with what seems a forced attempt at camaraderie. Although he remembers having an attraction and interest in the same sex as early as the age of seven, Gerry claims that this is the path God has chosen for him and that His plan is better than anything else Gerry could come up with himself. He even looks as though he almost believes it.
His wife, Lorraine, appears on camera looking strained, defensive, and exhausted. Her take on the situation is that she has stayed with Gerry because she truly believes God has called them to be married. "He calls us to be together as man and woman as long as we should live," she says. This all just made me so very, very sad.
Both of these individuals seem like nice enough people. But they look haggard, worn down, disappointed, and exhausted. One can only assume it is from the constant efforts to battle the Big Gay Monster back into its closet. And for what? Gerry and Lorraine could have both led a life full of joy, honesty, self-love, and true intimacy with another human being. All it would have taken was one selfless person to show them both how and why Gerry is the way he is, and how there is nothing wrong with it in the slightest - not even according to the Bible.
Instead, Gerry was made to feel wrong, perverted, deviant, and sinful. They taught him to be ashamed of who he is, and pushed that shame until he agreed with their assessments. So four lives were essentially destroyed here - Gerry's, Lorraine's, and the men they would have loved.
Gerry missed out on a life where he could truly be himself and live with acceptance and authenticity. He missed out on the chance to find his true love and experience that sense of complete intimacy between two people who are deeply in love with each other. Lorraine also missed out on a life with a man who could love her the way she deserved to be loved. It is not her fault that her husband is gay, and yet because of religious and societal influences - and the role played by the FRC and groups like them - she payed the ultimate price anyway. And then there's the two men out there in the world who could have had these wonderful people as their partners or their husband/wife. They will never know what they missed out on. And it's all for nothing.
Joe Dallas is another man claiming to have overcome his homosexuality. His life is now devoted to helping others do the same. (You can view his website for his organization, Genesis Counseling, here.) He says he is qualified to counsel others because he himself has been a man struggling with "same-sex attraction". He says he knows what it is to beg for help, and that he himself spoke to God about it directly, saying, "Lord, I have this condition. I did not ask for it, and I don't know what to do about it. Where do I go from here?" From this, God apparently led him out of the horror of homosexuality.
You can probably already guess what major issue I have with this story. I prayed almost that exact same prayer. So did many, many other LGBT individuals I have spoken with. And yet nothing happened. Were we not worthy? Did we not mean it enough? Does that mean God sits up on His throne with his "Straightenator", arbitrarily pointing at people? Hmmm...I like this one - I'll make him straight. But this one over here? She gets on my nerves - she stays gay.
I mean, really. What are the criteria for having your prayers answered here? The ex-gay movement and reparative therapists would say we are not trying hard enough, and we were not sincere in our pleas. Instead of recognizing that people are just born the way they are, these factions place the blame for failure back on the very person who has come to them for help. Oh, it's not our fault. Our techniques are flawless, and we have God on our side! It must be something you are doing wrong. You're still having those thoughts and not asking forgiveness for this disgusting sin. You are not really committed to changing and following God's word on homosexuality. I can hear it now.
Another "ex-gay" pops up, this one being Jeff Buchanan, the Senior Director of Church Equipping and Student Ministries for the Exodus group. His blatantly false claim numbers among the more outrageous statements in this documentary. He says that it is an absolute truth that a person can change their orientation, and that the evidence lies in the thousands of former homosexuals that have successfully shifted their orientation to live a happy, straight life.
It gets very tiresome hearing these kinds of claims, especially when you know and have done the research to find that the majority of these 'success stories' are only able to live a straight life for a short period of time before they relapse - some for just few months and they're back on the straight horse, and some who drop the pretenses altogether and ride that rainbow-colored horse into the sunset. Exodus does not do extended follow-up on their 'clients', and one has to wonder if it is because they know deep down what they're doing is a futile effort that produces nothing but a bunch of self-hating, suppressed individuals.
There are a few more "ex-gays" that pop up quickly, like Christine, Frank, and Christ (yes, that's his name), but they don't have the extensive backstories like the others. Christ does mention his despair when he received the piece of paper stating he had HIV, but there is no follow up story or tie-in so it seems completely non-sequitur.
I'm going to save the craziest, most disturbing "ex-gay" for the next installment, because she ties directly in to the subject of said blog - The Obsession With Gay Sex".
Stay tuned!
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